The old adage says that if you can’t speak well of someone, rather say nothing. But it’s not so easy.

We went camping as a group of friends. One guy was a bit out of sorts. He was a little apart busy on his phone all the time. While we were talking around the camp fire, he was talking to his new love. When we went hiking, he stayed behind “watching the camp”.

Back in civilization everybody wanted to know how our camping weekend was. And again, and again I caught myself first saying how enjoyable it was, and then describing this one friend who kept himself apart and obviously I embellished the story to highlight all that he had done wrong.

After doing this for I don’t know how many times, I started questioning myself. Why was I telling this to people who don’t know my friend from Adam? Did I need negativity to give my story more shape or depth? Was I enjoying painting him in a bad light? Was I feeling better because someone was doing more wrong than me?

With a shock I realised that I could shout “yes” in response to the last three questions! I was saying bad things about someone else to make myself look better. Maybe I wasn’t doing it consciously, but as soon as I describe the sins of others, the spotlight shifts away from me. But unfortunately, making someone else the loser doesn’t make me a winner.

Maybe I should repeat this so that it will stick in my brain: Making someone else the loser doesn’t make me a winner. Actually, there are no winners in this situation!

Therefore, the instruction: ³… Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness.

Let’s add up these two sentences. When you paint others in a bad light, your life shows that you don’t know Jesus. You see, we don’t always realise that what comes out of our mouths opens the door to our hearts so that everybody can see what is going on inside it. When we gossip about others and say bad things about them, the picture others see of our hearts is not that rosy. That picture shows even less that we are Jesus’ children.

Many of us struggle with this. And many of us don’t even know we have this problem, but as the saying goes: “Take note!” Put a guard or two in front of your mouth. Maybe even inside your mouth, so that they can keep your lips closed to keep the negative words about others from slipping out.

Let’s make a promise to one another that we will really try hard to only speak well of others and to rather keep quiet when I can’t.

Are you in?

Scripture
Titus 2:1-5

Reflection
Does something negative about others sometimes slip out?
Do you think you have to stop doing it?
How?

Prayer
Lord, I’m sorry that I like highlighting the mistakes others make, while I make my own! Please forgive me and help me stop thinking and talking about other people’s mistakes. Amen.