Sometimes you get to a place where things aren’t going well. A place where you struggle to see the meaning of things. Leading to questions like: Why am I on earth? What is my purpose? Do I have a calling?

And before you know it, nothing makes sense.

I’ve been there. Where you simply don’t feel good about yourself. Where you wonder whether you are doing or can actually do anything right. You just want to lie in your bed. And then you drift further and further away and start feeling inferior and doubting yourself. I even started doubting my own faith and convinced myself that I was failing here too – because I couldn’t hear the Lord.

Suddenly everything became too much and I had no energy. It was just too much. And strange solutions came knocking at the door.

I talked to a friend and he helped me switch on the light: You’re suffering from burnout. Yes, you are the one who always helps others. You’re always ready with the answers. You’re already holding the keys ready to jump up and drive somewhere at any time when someone calls for help.

It was as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over me. I’ve been running too hard and my whole being has now been forced to a standstill.

That same evening we had a board meeting. And as the board left, I could summarise the meeting in one word: love. I’ve hardly ever experienced so much love in my life. Love that helps. Love that supports. Love that gives advice. Love that plans together. Love that raises up. Love that makes appointments. Love that asks questions and helps with answers. Love that gives. Love that cares.

My family also ran their taps of love. They surprised me with packets of love around every turn and corner. A word here, a hug there. It was indeed love in action.

When I look back, I know I was very fragile. It’s unpleasant when you who is the leader of a big organisation falls apart. But it was necessary.

I learned that one has to be honest. I learned that you have to open up. I learned that even if it’s difficult, sometimes one simply has to say how it is and how you feel. Like my pal always says: It’s OK not to be OK. We all go through seasons and seasons end while new ones lie ahead.

But what I have learnt most through all this is what love is. Without asking, it runs. Just like that. A word here, a hug there. A plan given by the Planner just like that. The caring and the taking care of a bill. The WhatsApp at the weirdest times and the call not to say, but just wanting to know that you’re all right and is there anything I can do?

I felt that love touching me intimately. And when love forms part of the foundation, there is no stopping it. This verse came to life for me personally: ²²Run after mature righteousness—faith, love, peace … That’s exactly what the people around me achieved.

Let us all live it, because then our bowls become more usable by God …

Scripture
2 Tim 2:22-26

Reflection
What does your love look like?
Where can you go and live it?
Who should feel your love?

Prayer
Father, thank you for the people who love us. Thank you for showing us what real love looks like. May I pass some of your love onto the people around me. May I make a difference through my love everywhere I go. Amen.