My times are in Your hands
For 18 years, by hook or by crook, I roller-coasted from high to low (sometimes rock bottom) but the Lord blesses me, being a single parent of 3 beautiful children. They now are grown-ups with their own families. Children who go to church on Sundays, grand children who attend Sunday school and Youth service. Everything seems to be safe and sound.
Then the pawpaw started hitting the fan. An illness with a big name has been haunting me for 4 years. My one daughter got divorced, my other daughter started drinking. My grandson now declares himself an atheist and does not believe in God. I pray and pray. Lord, what now? Why? What am I to do?
Slowly but surely I was pulled into a dark pit and it sucked and pulled me deeper and deeper. How many times in the past did You constantly take our hands and lead us back on the right way, but now! This time! Lord, where are you? Slowly but surely I got deeper into the black dark abyss. Almost unconsciously I started planning. I’ll do it in such a way that it will not embarrass my children. Prepared everything and got my personal documents in place. I decided to first go away for a week.
After being in the beautiful small town for a week, thoughts storming inside me, I drove home. About halfway I realised that I haven’t asked the Lord to bring me safely home. I in any way have made my plans. I still said a prayer half-heartedly.
Ten kilometers from there, going around a sharp corner, a car came straight for me. Both of us drove at about 120km per hour and there was no way that I could get out of this alive. I saw the young man’s terrified eyes. It was as if I saw everything in slow motion and then the next moment he pulled his steering wheel and barely missed me.
During those few seconds you observe a lot. Cars swerving out. Some ended up in the veld, others stopped, but I kept on driving. Only a few kilometers away I started shaking, I simply stopped next to the road and got a grip on myself. Somebody stopped behind me and remarked that I was almost killed. They offered me some water. I thanked them and drove on.
Very clearly, in the silence of my car, I heard the Lord’s voice: In my time, Lucia, I n my time! I am Lord and I am in control. I decide where, when and how.
Now, a few weeks later, I realise how often opportunities arise where the Lord wants to use me and already has been using me and I have to declare on a daily basis: “Speak Lord, Your servant is listening.”
Lucia
My times are in Your hands.
