I met a Christian brother for coffee in the Winelands on a typical Cape winter’s day. Many people do not like the Cape’s wet winter days, especially those coming from Gauteng. It makes them feel restless, they say.

This brother had reason to be restless and even sad. As one of the shepherds of a congregation, he was made to leave his job. In such a way, he did not even know how it happened. All he knew was that he was now unemployed.

He had reason to feel negative towards the others. He rightly could single them out and describe how they got rid of him in detail. My heart really ached for him. He had been plunged into a predicament, and by the church.

Right at the start, he said that he didn’t really want to talk about it and, without naming names, in two sentences, casually mentioned that one moment he had a good job and the next he was on the street with his whole family.

I respected him for that, and when we left, I confirmed his behaviour and said I knew it was hard not to describe the bad things that had happened and blame others. It doesn’t really help. On the contrary, it leaves a bitter taste in one’s mouth.

When we are harmed, we usually want to drag other people’s names through the mud. I think we do it to help with the pain. It helps in processing the trauma. It’s almost like a crutch that we can use to stand up again to crawl or walk further.

Just the next morning, my text of the day was this one: ¹¹Don’t bad-mouth each other, friends. It’s God’s Word, his Message, his Royal Rule, that takes a beating in that kind of talk. You’re supposed to be honoring the Message, not writing graffiti all over it.

Can you believe it? The Lord’s timing is always perfect, with a piece of practical experience to help us really understand the text.

It’s so human of us to blame others when we are hurt. Right or wrong. Actually, my brother did have the right to put the actual facts on the table. For sure, it would’ve helped him to process what had happened.

But that’s not the Biblical way of doing things. As hard as it is, we must turn the other cheek. We must consider the issue with wisdom and know that God will use this hurt and trauma to lead us into our new season.

We should not allow ourselves to speak ill of others or criticize them. Nothing good comes of it. On the contrary, it is like cancer that slowly consumes you until nothing is left.

No, rather forgive (even if it’s not always easy!) and allow God to do His thing. Then you live within God’s will. Then you walk in the middle of God’s law, and yes, then you love others as you love yourself.

Scripture
James 4:7-12

Reflection
Where have you been hurt?
Have you ever badly criticized other people?
How can you forgive?

Prayer
Father, this one stopped me in my tracks. We so quickly say not-so-nice things about others. Forgive me and help me to speak well of others. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.