Two young people were sitting on our couch for a day or two. They want to get married and asked us to take them through some premarital sessions. Renata and I like doing this; it’s part of our calling.

How good to see young love flowering! It’s beautiful and absolutely what God intended. We explained the process and also explained the reality.

None of the loving couples sitting on our couch believe that they will pick up significant problems along the way. But the reality is that more than half of all couples end up divorcing. It’s shocking. It makes one understand why our world is in the state it is.

One of the three major reasons why people divorce is conflict together with arguments. For some reason, each one wants to enforce his or her will and ideas, and do not want to see the other’s point of view. Each one pushes his/her agenda and before you know it, a storm breaks out.

With all the emotions up and running wildly, it’s no use, because emotions prevent you from communicating. Something starts brewing inside and then it boils over and you become ruder and the sound is on full blast.

That’s not right. That’s not the way to solve anything. On the contrary, it makes it worse, and your spouse gets lost in the blast. The author of Hebrews was probably married and maybe failed at this, because he sends a direct warning: ¹⁴Work at getting along with each other …

I suspect the own self is the cause of all the fighting. With the fall, the own self got hit and now wants to be at the head of the line all the time. The own self wants the other one to accept his or her ideas all the time. The own self doesn’t really see the other one’s needs and you don’t get glasses for that.

We must recognise and acknowledge this flaw in our lives, because only then can we start working on it. I think we need to call on the Holy Spirit to come and help work on the own self.

Remember, the Holy Spirit is also Jesus’ Spirit and when Jesus was here on earth, He didn’t argue or fight once. He didn’t want His Own Self to be in the forefront all the time. He always first listened to the other person. He saw the needs of others. He cared for others.

If we treat others like this, we will not argue and fight so much. Look at others through Jesus’ eyes. Treat them the way you want to be treated. That will quickly turn down the other one’s volume.

And remember, this does not apply to a marriage relationship only. It works in all relationships. At work, in the family, with friends – we must look at others through Jesus’ eyes everywhere. May we all succeed in doing so!

Scripture
Hebrews 12:12-13

Reflection
Do you listen more or do others have to listen more to you?
Are you prepared to have others come first?
How active is your own self?

Prayer
Lord Jesus, I want to have the same attitude as You. Please help me not to need all the attention and win all the arguments, but to find my identity in You, and to have love to share. Amen.